Tell me

-Banksy-

Assalamualaikum. I just got back from somewhere and I'm having such hard times right now. So many things happened within a week and final is coming and I'm not ready for anything at all. Really. And this post is just some random stuff. Rant, to be exact. I'm gonna ranting a lot here and I bet that you don't want to read it. Its just one of the way I can use to express what's inside.

What is happiness? People always say that "Oh my god! I'm so happy that I can die right now!" or maybe "I'm so happy with my life!". Are you sure about that? Are you sure that that 'happiness' you claimed, is going to last forever or is it just a temporary happy or maybe you're just faking it?

And what is love? People always say "I love you so much. I will love you always and forever will. I love you to death." What is the definition of love, really? I know I can Google it myself, but whatever that is written on Google or any dictionary or maybe to some people, how do they get that idea or definition of love? Come on. Tell me. I'm talking about love as in generally. Between you and people around you. Doesn't matter if he or she is your family members, relatives, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, spouses, neighbours, son or daughter or whoever. But, what is love, literally? How can you measure or label the love? How did you know that he or she is made for you?

What is the purpose of love in life? I am so sorry but I just cannot believe in such love anymore. With things' happening around me right now, I would think that love is the last thing that I will have, or maybe the last thing I could ever understand. I'm trying to find other's stories about love that is not complicated at all. Is there any? Is there any love that doesn't hurt or that lasts til death?

Well, hmm. Nothing lasts forever. The only thing that lasts is akhirat. Which we all have to prepare for it by doing good deeds and collecting as many as pahala as you can while you're still alive in this world, pleasing Allah and be good to yourself and everyone around you, insyaAllah, that love and happiness, you will definitely get it in Jannah. Masya'Allah. It's so easy rightttt? But why on Earth it is so hard to gain that tiny bit of love, here on Earth? People makes it complicated. People is making that love to be hurtful and it is not promising at all. Don't come and teach me or convince me that love is all around you and to open my eyes and my heart whatsoever. Blergh. I can never feel anything. And I won't feel it. I barely feel or want to feel that "lovey dovey" thingy. Its just not for me at the moment. I'm feeling discontented with this whole thing. Hate me for not believing in love? Please, be my guest. You don't know what I've been through.

Whenever I'm under the "depressing" influence of the after-consequences, I will bemoan my sufferings and errors of involving myself with love and relationships to my bestfriend. I'm so glad that I have her, she will always there for me even she's so occupied with her studies. She's a diligent student, I must say. You're the best (Y)

Things don't usually get my way, you know. I don't know what is up with my life recently, but I think this downside of the wheel can be pretty painful at times. But I choose not to back off, instead I must face it. Even it hurts, I cannot doubt that. Buttttt, yeah. Life must go on. This is normal. It's life, what do you expect? You cannot be happy all the time and how on Earth you want to learn if you don't have any problem or lessons to be learned for? Right?

Screw those grammatical errors. I mean, excuse.