Assalamualaikum.
First of all, I would like to inform you that it has been one year since I pakai tudung or scarf or hijab or whatever you want to call or label it. And please take note, I'm not bragging or bangga diri, but the only niat here, is just to share with you. No judging, please. I don't need your judgmental mind right now, but if you really can't control yourself, just keep it to yourself and istighfar banyak-banyak okay?
Alhamdulillah, its been a year now. I used to be a very jahiliah person (and I am still learning, not saying that I'm a perfect person now). I'm not changing myself into someone else, I am still the same. I can be as crazy as before, laugh out loud with my girlfriends and still going out and go for vacations and road trips and drive around and eat the same favourite food, listen to the same song's genres and still rapat dengan orang tu and still tak berapa nak rapat dengan orang ni. I'm just a human being and from a free-hair lady into someone who covers the aurat, is just a huge leap that I must take.
I'm not perfect (again) and nobody is, nobody will. This transition, huge one I must say, it's been good so far. Frankly speaking, I used to have the happiest life ever. Yes, really. I was so happy back then. To be honest, I had the best time of my life back when I was a free-hair lady. Problem-free. Seriously. I have everything around me and nothing can stop me from getting things that I want and I forgot how to be thankful. Shamefacedly, I was an ungrateful person. I have everything but I didn't feel happy. I still feel empty and why is that?
And as I grow older, or maybe you guys have experienced this; You think you're mature and wise enough to know the good and the bad in life, you just knew that it is the perfect moment for you to improve yourself. Get a better version of yourself. I cannot say the word of "change" yourself, since I think that I am not changing, but I'm improving myself. Improve means, changing for a better course, for a better reason and to seek a better life in the future or maybe, happiness in the after-life for Muslims. While 'change' means, 360 degree view of everything. Like a complete transformation from Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde. I think you know what I mean.
What I am trying to say here, is that, it is never to late for you to improve yourself. Get a better version. From Malina 1.0 (trial-pack) to Malina 2.0. Who knows if it's gonna work out well right?
So how does it feels like to have a scarf wrapped around my head? Tremendously great. I've always loved my hair, like since I was born! I love it so much, until at one point, I realize that, "Why on Earth am I showing off my hair to someone who don't deserve to see it?". Then I asked my mom about it and you can read it in my previous blogpost, the first few posts, I think. November 5th 2011, that was the first time I feel the scarf covers my aurat. Alhamdulillah, it was a great feeling. I still remember on how people looked and stared at me when I was walking around town without the scarf on, they have those stupid minded and you can read what is playing in their mind. And when with my scarf on, they can never make an eye-contact with me. They feel embarrassed to even look at me. Masha'Allah, see, that is the power of hijab. I read few articles and this line is totally my favourite - "Kalau tak tutup aurat, lelaki pandang nak mengorat. Bila tertutupnya aurat, lelaki pandang penuh hormat." Can't remember who said this and where I read it, but yeah, it was something like that. Deep, huh? :) In Shaa Allah, this hijab won't come off until the day I die.
And due to my title above, "I am not a hijabster, I am a Muslim", well yes. Hmm, I personally think that the word 'hijabster' is only for trends. And people, wearing tudung and put scarf around your head is definitely not a trend. Don't wear it for the sake of trends. I know that you still got the point of putting an effort for wearing one, but, betulkan niat. Niat is the essence. Wear for the sake of Allah. Wear to please Allah. Cover your aurat to make Allah love you, not to make some men to fall in love with you. Always remember that. You are a Muslim, betulkan niat and wearing tudung to cover your aurat is not a trend. That is the suruhan Allah and you wajib buat. So, people of the world, women with scarfs on their heads are not hijabsters, but they are Muslims. Get it right :)
So many things happened. So many tests that Allah gave me sepanjang masa I dah bertudung. Banyak sangat dugaan. Masha'Allah, Tuhan je tahu. From nothing, to everything. I bet if other people kena apa I kena, they all dah jatuh tersungkur. Lepas satu, satu yang jadi. But Alhamdulillah, Allah tolong umat yang dikehendakiNya. I know that Allah akan bagi ujian to His servant yang mampu untuk ditanggung. Allah maha Adil. Allah maha Mengetahui. He knows what's best for His servant and I believe that those problems ada hikmahnya. That's Qada' & Qadar that I have to accept. Have faith in Him, in Shaa Allah, Dia akan permudahkan segalanya. Minta untuk diberi kekuatan so that you will be able to face the test, minta petunjuk dan hidayah daripadaNya, minta agar nikmat tidak ditarik balik, jadi umat yang bersyukur, minta diampunkan dosa.
Speaking of which, don't compare yourself with others. Lain orang, lain dosanya. Lain orang, lain ujiannya. Lain orang, lain kekuatannya. Alhamdulillah, I'm still standing strong until today. Eventhough dugaan besar, orang lain punya dugaan lagi besar. Keep on bersyukur. Keep on being humble. We all semua hamba Allah. It's your call to please Him or not :) Salam.
I am a strong woman and I know that. I am :)
Malina Azman, x
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