Trust

Question:

What is trust? How do you earn it? How do you know if you really trust someone or if you are just trying to conveince yourself that you trust them? If you have had someone's trust and then you no longer have it how do you re-earn it? Who decides if it's been enough "time"? How do you help someone trust you again? What if you've done everything right, made all the changes, and been on the straight and narrow and are still not trusted by those you wish to have their trust? How do you assure them you are trust worthy?

Answer:

Trust is defined as "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence."

You can emotionally love someone, but not trust them. You can trust them, but not emotionally love them. When you trust a person, you believe that they have your best interest at heart. They wouldn't do something to hurt you for the fun of it, or for selfish gain.  You rely on them.

You earn a person's trust by consistently proving yourself to them. You show them that you will not use them or take advantage of them. You will not abuse their love or their generosity. You will think of them before acting.

Re-earning a person's trust is done in the same way, except it take a much longer period of time. People are very different as to how easily they'll trust others - some have been seriously hurt in the past and hesitate to trust again. Others are very "trusting," even of those who don't deserve their trust. No matter the individual, you earn and re-earn people's trusts through reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence consistency of character - you prove that you are trustworthy by your deeds.

There is no way to assure a person that you are trustworthy outside of your actions. Broken trust can take years, even decades to repair. It's a very sensitive, and even awkward, time for the two people involved.

Here's the key: If you are the person who has broken another's trust, you have no right to expect anything from them, especially trust. You can only prove by your actions, words, and kept-promises that you are now on the "straight and narrow" and have no intention of straying again. You cannot hold it against them if they search your life for flaws and wrongs -- you earned their distrust. Hard work, patience, perseverence, and consistent proof is the only way to regain the trust you don't deserve.

Taken from: askville.amazon.com